For this task set by Janet Delaney, I had to create a raw and honest self portrait. To help with this, I had to start by writing a list of ten nouns, adjectives, and verbs that describe how I feel about myself and who I am at the moment. Drawing from that list, you shoot. This was something I found very challenging. But I feel it has helped me as a practitioner. Once again putting myself into the work.
Out of all the tasks so far – and potentially the rest to come – this task, set by Janet Delaney has been the most challenging. Although I am a fan of a good selfie with friends or whilst looking my best, taking a raw and honest portrait is something I shy away from in my work.
After writing the lists as directed by Delaney, I noticed that when being completely honest, themes come up that I do not share with others but instead keep to myself. I was kick started to created something breaking my own boundaries and showing my flaws and insecurities. I spent a long time waiting for the ‘decisive moment’, not wanting the image to be staged at all. When the perfect imperfect moment came up. Another sleepless night and another panic attack at five in the morning led to this. I grabbed my film camera and shot away. As a backup, I shot a digital copy as well. Due to my own mistakes, I managed to expose the film reel at the exact point I took these photographs.
Despite struggling with this, and it is not something I would rush to do again, I am happy with it, and it helped me come to terms with this part of me. Throwing it out in the open for everyone to see is nerve-wracking, but freeing. Taking control. It would have worked out better if the film reel had not been messed up however, which I am annoyed at.